yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
