i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize