Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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