If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
