She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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