Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
