he thought i was a dude.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize