loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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