i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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