i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize