"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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