...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
