oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
