his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
