You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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