My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
