I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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