Please, let me fuck your mom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
