I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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