dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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