Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
