how can u be prego again
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
