I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
