Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
