Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
