I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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