My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
