If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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