So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
