Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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