As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize