high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
