I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
