I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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