I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize