I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
