My first STD was from a foam party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
