My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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