walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
