you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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