i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
