i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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