The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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