I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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