It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
