okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
