I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
