Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
