It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
