those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
