talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
