I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
