I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
