Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
