Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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