well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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