my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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