In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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