Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
