I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize