Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
