i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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