You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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