discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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