She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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