Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
