Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
