did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
whose parrot is this?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
