I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize