Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
