I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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