Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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