Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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