Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
