Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
