So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was born a porn star she said
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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