grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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