dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
