Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
