from now on my penis is your penis
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
