This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
