Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize