my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
