You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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