Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
