I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
