I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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