Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Houston, we have a squirter
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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