So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
