she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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