remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize