He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
