I wanna passion pit in your ass
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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