im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
