Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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