Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
